From Wounded Boys to the Dream of the Perfect Man | The Identity Crisis of Iranian Men
The harsh reality is that Iran’s patriarchal society produces more “boy-men” than fully grown “men”; beings who, despite inhabiting adult bodies, are still grappling with the wounds and complexes of their childhood and adolescence. These “boy-men” are the offspring of a repressive patriarchal system that has victimized not only women but men themselves. They are humiliated, marginalized, and scarred sons of fathers who were themselves products of the same flawed cycle.
This is precisely the Oedipal drama Freud describes: “The authority of the father generates psychological conflicts for the son that shape his mental structure for life.” In essence, the boy-man is a son eternally stuck in this high-tension arena, frozen at some point in his development.
These boys are trapped in an unhealthy relationship with their fathers’ power, submitting themselves passively and almost servilely, lest they be deprived of meager privileges such as a share of inheritance or family wealth. They have never had the opportunity to break free from paternal authority or patriarchal structures and achieve personal independence and maturity. In the absence of this healthy individuality, masculinity becomes little more than a superficial performance. The young man comes to believe that “being a man” means dominating others, opposing women, acting aggressively, valuing money above all, and owning expensive villas—precisely the condition Jacques-Alain Miller describes: “When the subject denies his own lack, masculinity becomes a display, and domination functions as a defensive shield.”
The psychological framework of most Iranian men is thoroughly power-oriented. They show deep respect and submissiveness only toward men above them who possess greater power or wealth, while they behave in a bullying and mocking manner toward men they perceive as inferior or powerless. This dynamic reproduces the same humiliating relationship they experienced with their fathers: obedience to superiors and derision toward subordinates.
Freud explains that we do not merely obey our fathers; we internalize their authority as part of our psyche. In other words, the “external father” becomes an “internalized policeman,” constantly monitoring our behavior. As Freud himself puts it: “The voice of society’s conscience internalizes the father’s authority, producing a lifelong pattern of obedience to power and rejection of the weak.”
Although the power-oriented personality is a global phenomenon, in Iran it has taken root in an extreme form due to a long history of despotism and the absence of civil institutions. While democracies tend to curb this tendency, in Iran it is reproduced across all levels of society—from the family sphere to the workplace and politics. This observation practically confirms Jacques Lacan’s famous assertion that structures of power shape our identities. As he notes: “The symbolic order always imposes hierarchies that the subject internalizes at the cost of losing his own desire.”
This crisis of masculinity has had devastating consequences for Iranian society as a whole, particularly for women. Despite all its tools of repression, the Iranian government could not have enforced mandatory hijab on Iranian women for nearly half a century without the tacit cooperation and silent consent of these boy-men.
Mandatory hijab, therefore, is not merely a governmental policy; it is an unwritten pact between the patriarchal state and patriarchal men. As Lacan argues, the “law of the father” derives its power not from the sword but from the silent consent of the subject: “This law is sustained only through the acceptance of its symbolic violence by those subject to it.”
For a man who defines his masculinity through control and domination over women, mandatory hijab becomes a tool to maintain this fragile superiority. He may privately disagree with it, yet in practice, he benefits from it, as the law secures his dominant position in society. This insight is eloquently summarized by Jacques-Alain Miller: “Patriarchal order flourishes with the collusion of men who profit from the oppression of women, even if unconsciously.”
One of the most tragic and recurrent scenes on Iran’s streets over the past forty-seven years has been women confronting the “morality police.” Yet within these scenes of repression, another, perhaps deeper drama has unfolded: the role of men as passive spectators. In most cases, when a woman was targeted for her hijab, the men present did not intervene or defend her; instead, they became mere onlookers, capturing the humiliating moment on their mobile phones.
This act of “photographing,” far from being a courageous act of documentation, symbolizes the profound identity crisis and moral bankruptcy of Iranian masculinity. As Miller notes, “The subject’s passivity before power reveals a crisis deeper than mere ethical responsibility.” It is a choice—the choice to transform from a responsible agent into a powerless observer.
The Women, Life, Freedom movement was not only a rebellion against the regime but also a form of shock therapy for this sick masculinity. It held up a mirror to the Iranian boy-man, showing him that the women he perceived as “weak” and in need of control could be courageous, independent, and powerful. The movement shattered the unwritten patriarchal pact and confronted many men, for the first time, with the question: What does true masculinity mean? This is the liberating rupture Lacan spoke of: “The subject can find freedom only through a break from the symbolic order.”
Despite this bleak picture of the masculinity crisis, is there hope for the future of Iranian men? The answer is, without a doubt, yes. As Miller asserts, “True masculinity emerges when the subject acknowledges his own lack and participates in collective responsibility.” In the midst of this struggle, the Iranian man, by accepting that he is not complete on his own (acknowledging his lack) and by standing alongside women (engaging in collective responsibility), is beginning to discover a new and authentic form of masculinity.